I like how you narrate the visual. It opens my reading experience like a comic book, frame-by-frame with clear visuals. However, your tendency to use too many '-ing' verbs and some grammar issues disoriented me a bit. I sincerely think with an editing pass, the story will flourish.
It is part of the style. So, the ings are intended. However, this story is a bit older, so there may be some that can be removed. As such, I do plan to give things another round at some point. Thank you for your input. ^^
I like how you narrate the visual. It opens my reading experience like a comic book, frame-by-frame with clear visuals. However, your tendency to use too many '-ing' verbs and some grammar issues disoriented me a bit. I sincerely think with an editing pass, the story will flourish.
It is part of the style. So, the ings are intended. However, this story is a bit older, so there may be some that can be removed. As such, I do plan to give things another round at some point. Thank you for your input. ^^